What incredible lessons we have been learning about faith throughout the past several weeks. The irony in my name is ever-present for me to ponder. Faith and trust is a battle for me: it does not come easy. For me to say that I trust God to meet all of my needs and be my Protector is easy to say; yet, to believe it deep in the depths my heart is another story. Surrendering my desire for control seems to be an everlasting dilemma.

In Hebrews 11:17 states, “By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, ‘It is through Isaac that you offspring will be reckoned’” (NIV). Can you imagine having a son that was promised to you in old age, and being called by God to sacrifice him on an alter?!?! Talk about walking by faith!  Abraham could have not gone up the mountain and waited on God to find him, yet He obeyed and stayed faithful to his Father’s request. He surrendered his control over to his God. Amazing! What an incredible strength Abraham showed!

It would have been incredibly easy for Abraham to disobey due to his fear of harming the son that was promised to him and Sarah. His heart was heavy, but his love and honor for God allowed him to surrender. I find myself wondering why I have a difficult time surrendering all of myself to my God when I have never been asked to sacrifice my son or anyone close to me, but I have been asked to fully surrender my whole self to Christ. I fully confess this has not happened, but little by little my faith is continually growing.

As Travis and I have been preparing ourselves for our upcoming journey, the first and most obvious lesson in faith so far has been raising our financial support. Three weeks ago we found ourselves just a little over half way to our $6000 goal. In three weeks, we have seen the hand of God move us toward South Africa. Three weeks ago, while my brother was waiting to receive his immunizations, he started a conversation with a guy who was sitting near him and they began talking about South Africa. It turned out the gentleman he was sitting by was also heading to South Africa with Crossroads. During the conversation they began talking about fundraising and how they both met their goals. Yet Matt had an excess of $450 that he had transferred over to Travis and my accounts! It was such a God-moment! Here we were so worried we were not going to meet our deadline, yet it was evident by the number of people who gave us monetary support that God was doing remarkable things! The generosity of people we have never met has astounded us!

As I look back at my fear of not being able to raise enough support, God met all of our needs (and even gave us more!). So why then do I seem to hold fast to my fear, as opposed to my faith? This question is something that I am continually discovering about myself. My fears have consumed me in so many areas of my life, yet I must remember that God has given me grace so that in my weakness, God’s strength is made perfect (2 Cor. 12:9).